2023 was a hell of a year. I was thinking about making an end of year wrap up post at one point but I found myself sticking on it as I was writing and it wasn't worth the amount of brain I was putting into it.

I'm just as easily suseptible to the allure of arbitrary measures of time as anyone else and so I've been looking to 2024 with a level of hope. But unlike previous years I've been trying to approach it with a more level head and a better understanding of how my head works in the first place. It's still an uphill battle but I'm so much more prepared to face it and I've given myself more forgiveness for stumbling. Part of this process really started last year so that's helped too by unmooring change from a solidified date. even if. I made the decision to make change because the new year. It makes sense.

I still don't have the easiest time self motivating but it's been getting easier. I've settled on plans for what I'm gonna do with my life. There's still things I'm procrastinating while I write this.

That leads me here. The kinds of things I've been thinking about doing here. I've got this idea rattling around in my head, it's not a super original one given that I was inspired by posts on tumblr, I wanna do a rewatch of My Life as a Teenage Robot and Danny Phantom with a focus on queer readings. Prolly gonna lean heavy on the transgender of it all, but that's what I'm interested in. And who's to say I can't do this just because I was inspired from somewhere else. Besides, I ultimately have an interest in doing media analysis and why not start there?

If you caught the book that I'm reading, yes, it is because of the hbomberguy video, but that video is in its own way an inspiration. There was such a focus on queer creators and how many of their voices are being lost and I've been thinking for so long about how I wanna make video essays or even just talk about the things that interest me and go on a deep dive. It's not a step I'm entirely sure I'm ready to talk, making videos. I've tried YouTube in the past with other inspirations that have struck me and I have never had the grindset for it. Who fucking needs the grindset though. I can write up my thoughts here and post them and I think I'm gonna. Probably reorganize the structure of the blog here or something so make it clear between my personal posts and my thinky ones. Not even just analysis, I semi-regularly update what I'm playing or reading and I kinda wanna review those too. Freedom of the webbed site bay bee!!!

Plus. It feels like a good litany against imposter syndrome, that video.

I've been wanting to get weirder with my art also. I posted a piece of writing that was based on a psychotic episode I experienced. There's art that I sketched immediately after it happened too and I made it with no thoughts of how it looks other than getting it out of my head. I used a different pencil too. One of those ones that just a hunk of graphite in the shape of a pencil that I got in one of those sketch kits that was gifted to me. The piece is weird and the flow of my process under those conditions was good. I wanna make more commitments to weird art, but I am still struggling with motivation [what artist doesn't?] so that's been slow going.

I wanna try new things too. My biggest goal this year is to just be more comfortable with failure and being imperfect. Which one of those is also a stated goal of this website from the day I made it so I guess I'm ahead of the game already.

who knows what will really become of this year, but at the very least I'll be glad that I tried.